Morality Maven Gifts

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'I don't actually do evil any more. I lobby congressmen.'

The Little Engine that Faced a Tough Moral Dilemma.

'If you don't like war toys. . . we have an identical set, but the box is labelled PEACE KEEPER ACTION FIGURES.'

Mass Confucian

A man who sends a fifty-pound note for unpaid income tax

"Death is bad" - Confucius as a child.

'Gosh, it just breaks my heart to see someone so young and talented held back by his own chronic decency!'

'James is very persuasive.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

Post-psychoanalysis

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"You bet I'm stressed, I can't stop imagining there's a poacher hiding behind every bush..."

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'Notice how much happier everyone is since I added anti-anxiety meds to our bottled water?'

Journalism and extreme poverty

"Here's a free tip for you, kid: learn how to brood. Most people in the world mistake it for depth."

'I want you to be aware the bats in my belfry are a protected species.'

'Leonard was pleased with his bouffant mane from The Precious Roar.'

"Is that physically or mentally?"

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

Grump Horse and Rider

'But I digress.'