Mortality Maven Gifts

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

Wolf to Red Riding Hood: 'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

Myths and legends...

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Stonehenge Explained

Invisible clothes

"Like that?"

Moses as a child.

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

"Kiss me and I'll turn into a Prince. But I have to be honest with you, if asked about it I'll deny the whole sordid affair!"

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Cover Design for Yellow Book Prospectus for Vol 5 (Not Published)

"Do I have to go out again!?"

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"He's good with crops, but slow to respond in an emergency."

It was a match made in heaven.

Greek Tragedy: 'Yes... we agree to further cuts in government spendings..!!!'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

If Other Nations Mourned Like the U.S.

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'