Money Matters Jester Gifts

IRS, 'Don't forget -- your first payment on that barrel is due in 30 days.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Watering Money

Why markets crash.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

'Wait a minute....!

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

'Money isn't making you happy? Okay, I'll raise my rate, and we'll see how that works for you.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'Can you check my balance.'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'