Monastic Wit Gifts

"Ever worked out how much we have saved over the years by not having to buy trousers?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

Men Not Working.

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

"Of course - I believe in the Great Spin Doctor in the sky!"

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

Dangerous Populist Pope

'I can't decide if I should go with Derek on a trip around the world on skateboards...or go with Joe and join a monastery in Tibet! What do you think?'

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

'I'm going to have to take a day off - to get married!'

Big Brother in Monastery.

'It's hard to believe that they started out with just SEVEN deadly sins.'

"I want to get away to it all."

Two monks: 'Yes, I know we look like hoodies, Brother John, but I still don't want a hug!'

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

"I don't know anything about politics or foreign relations, but I do know that Madelyn Albright's a babe."

'Stop monking around and get inside!'

'Do you know brother I think this Papacy 'IS' going to be different.'

New rule: no tumble-drying!

Monk to monk: 'Can you take over? I have to tinkle.'

"I've switched from self-flagellation to a high-fiber diet."

"First I was prematurely gray. Now I'm prematurely dead."

24/7 th Heaven

Bob would go to any lengths to avoid public speaking.

"I ate one of my buddies, but he'd been dead a week or so..."

"Apparently he's from a silent order."