Monastic Wit Pillows

"Ever worked out how much we have saved over the years by not having to buy trousers?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

Men Not Working.

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

Dangerous Populist Pope

"Of course - I believe in the Great Spin Doctor in the sky!"

'I can't decide if I should go with Derek on a trip around the world on skateboards...or go with Joe and join a monastery in Tibet! What do you think?'

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

"I want to get away to it all."

Two monks: 'Yes, I know we look like hoodies, Brother John, but I still don't want a hug!'

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

'It's hard to believe that they started out with just SEVEN deadly sins.'

Big Brother in Monastery.

'I'm going to have to take a day off - to get married!'

"I don't know anything about politics or foreign relations, but I do know that Madelyn Albright's a babe."

'Stop monking around and get inside!'

Monk to monk: 'Can you take over? I have to tinkle.'

New rule: no tumble-drying!

'What wine goes with eternity?'

'Do you know brother I think this Papacy 'IS' going to be different.'

24/7 th Heaven

"I've switched from self-flagellation to a high-fiber diet."

"First I was prematurely gray. Now I'm prematurely dead."

Bob would go to any lengths to avoid public speaking.

"Apparently he's from a silent order."