Divine Wit Pillows

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Read that last part back to me.'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Beware of God"

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

2pm meet your Creator

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

Excommunicate Me.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

Out for lunch... GOD

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."