Divine Wit Pillows

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

God passing the time.

"Beware of God"

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

2pm meet your Creator

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

Excommunicate Me.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Out for lunch... GOD

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.