Divine Humor Pillows

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Are you even listening? I'm an arch-angel. There's no such thing as an investor angel!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

Night-time halo

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"OMG, LOL!"

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Beware of God"

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

2pm meet your Creator

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'