Mom Life Escapades Gifts

"Sure, I love my life! And someday I'm going to walk into a bar and never come out."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Use your inside scream."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Preparing for a new arrival

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

"Support the head."

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Whoa

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

They Removed my Brain.

Child on a schedule.

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

Add your kids' ages together...

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"No, son, there's no severance package."

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

Silencing the baby

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

Working Moms

Mother and Baby

"Yes, the French only eat the legs, but we're not French! We eat the whole frog!"

Maternity Room: Push, Push, Push.

"My child has special wants."

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"