Parenting Escapades Gifts

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"No, son, there's no severance package."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Holding up a child so he can feed a giraffe.

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Please take a number.

They Removed my Brain.

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

'The great stampedes are over, son. All you can hope for today is an occasional goring.'

"Yes, the French only eat the legs, but we're not French! We eat the whole frog!"

'May I borrow your hard hat? I'm going to try and go into the kids' room.'

'My little boy broke my violin.'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

Train Your Dog with Victoria Stilwell

"My kids are here for their appointment. Ages five and forty-two."

Circus baby

Dear, I think Alayna needs to be burped again.

"Stop complaining -- you'll grow into it."

Extra, Extra, Extra Absorbent Diapers.

"Now that the kids are in jail, maybe we can take the vacation we always wanted."

Earl thought 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day,' was very dumb. 'How about hot dog ice cream?! Or a hot dog already chewed, saving me time by not chewing it?!'

"Our son is at that awkward age where he's living in our basement."

'You're taking the baby to daycare? Great! I'm way late for work!'

"Do you have something more befitting a 6th grader?"