Mom Life Escapades Pillows

"Sure, I love my life! And someday I'm going to walk into a bar and never come out."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Use your inside scream."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Preparing for a new arrival

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"Support the head."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

They Removed my Brain.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

Child on a schedule.

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"No, son, there's no severance package."

Add your kids' ages together...

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Silencing the baby

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

Working Moms

Mother and Baby

"Yes, the French only eat the legs, but we're not French! We eat the whole frog!"

Maternity Room: Push, Push, Push.

"My child has special wants."

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"I wish you wouldn't repeat everything I shouldn't have said."