Mom Life Adventures Pillows

'I guess that's the deal. You get out of shape so I can get into shape.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Whoa

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I'm so good at this!"

"Use your inside scream."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

Preparing for a new arrival

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

Whoa

"Support the head."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Biological Alarm Clock.

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

They Removed my Brain.

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

Please take a number.

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Waiting Room

Child on a schedule.

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

"That's the cereal I want Mommy... Sugar cubes!"

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'