Motherhood Misadventures Pillows

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Men explained.

"I'm so good at this!"

Open other end

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Preparing for a new arrival

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

"Support the head."

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Biological Alarm Clock.

They Removed my Brain.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

"No, son, there's no severance package."

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'She's the primary caregiver!'

Single parents.

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'