Mom Life Enthusiast Pillows

Child on a schedule.

"My child has special wants."

"You get in this car and tell me if you can hear a siren."

Working Moms

"I did take off my muddy shoes, mom...these are my socks!"

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"I'm so good at this!"

"Use your inside scream."

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Open other end

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"I read the audio book."

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"I suppose your mother and I should have said something earlier, but it never seemed like the right time to talk about your adoption."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"I've decided to have a kid."

The best time capsules are our children.

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

'I don't like that one. . . how about the one with the cute smile.'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

Single parents.