Modern Youth Philosopher Gifts

'I'm worried about Junior. He's so lazy he won't even take his own selfie.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

The Googler

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"One year closer to college!"

"Could I ask just one question?"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Multi-Generational Books

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Philosopher trading cards.