Modern Scribe Gifts

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"He calls it the eBible."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

Waiting Room For Godot.

Alexander Pope

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

Computer literate Monk

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'

Writers strike.

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

Monk writing the scriptures on a roll

Pencil Rubber

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

"Polishing my mouse just doesn't have the same calming effect as sharpening my pencil."