Modern Medicine Gifts

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

M.D. Mister Jones is back with his sore throat --- He Googled instead of gargled.

Forever 31: Hair Implants & Egg Freezing

"Supersize me."

Specialist Directory: Cardiology, Dermatology, Hematology, Leeches

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

A midwife holding a baby

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

Lactose Intolerant

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The first one's just a warning."

"Your contents have shifted."