Modern Medicine Marvel Gifts

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'You'll be fine. Take two aspirin and call, fax, text or email me in the morning.'

2021

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"The first one's just a warning."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."