Medicinal Marvel Gifts

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

2021

"His first out-of-body experience."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"The first one's just a warning."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'