Medical Marvel Gifts

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

2021

'You're a selfish b***ard, Lewis! Those stem-cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!'

'I'm afraid it's one of those new superbugs.'

"OK, the old ones in my right hand..."

Damn defibrillators.

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

Computer data.

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'A rare skin disease, but there are pills for that!'

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'Doctor, in your expert medical opinion, is this lump in my armpit anything to be concerned about?'

'Just as I thought. You have bones.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

Never make a doctor's appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'

'And I want a load of those statins I read about that let you eat as many fatburgers as you like without getting a heart attack.'

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'

'Hold it! Don't come any closer! What you have is highly contagious!'

Cardiovascular Protesters 'No to the by-pass'

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

'We've tried everything.'

'I don't know who I am. I have a donor heart, a donor kidney, a donor liver,a donor cornea, a donor lung...'

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'We just set a new record for tubes and wires in one patient.'