Medical Marvel Gifts

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

2021

'You're a selfish b***ard, Lewis! Those stem-cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!'

'I'm afraid it's one of those new superbugs.'

"OK, the old ones in my right hand..."

Damn defibrillators.

'Relax - we're all in this together.'

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

Computer data.

'A rare skin disease, but there are pills for that!'

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'Doctor, in your expert medical opinion, is this lump in my armpit anything to be concerned about?'

'Just as I thought. You have bones.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Never make a doctor's appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

'And I want a load of those statins I read about that let you eat as many fatburgers as you like without getting a heart attack.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'

'Hold it! Don't come any closer! What you have is highly contagious!'

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'

'We've tried everything.'

Cardiovascular Protesters 'No to the by-pass'

'I don't know who I am. I have a donor heart, a donor kidney, a donor liver,a donor cornea, a donor lung...'

'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"Call me if it gets any bigger"

'We just set a new record for tubes and wires in one patient.'