Modern Medicine Skeptic Gifts

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Current location

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

Myth Diagnosis

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

New Age Anatomy...

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"I think the dosage needs adjusting. I'm not nearly as happy as the people in the ads."

M.D. Mister Jones is back with his sore throat --- He Googled instead of gargled.

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

"Mr. Dinsdale - come back!"

"Supersize me."

"Yes, everything—I need a list of all the medications you're on."

'Mrs. Nortman just sent in this fax of a rash that she's got on her stomach.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'Pop, is that where they make all of those new medicines with the bad side effects?'

'This is probably the first person to have died from a homeopathy overdose... '

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

Vlad, The Acupuncturist.