Modern Medicine Advocate Gifts

"I'm getting a telemedical message from my doctor. . .I'm getting a second opinion."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Current location

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'It says take all your medication - if you can afford it.'

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"Bloody privatisation, have you got 50p?"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

Hazard of texting

'But dad, no one goes round hunting and gathering anymore. It's just so . . . paleolithic!'

Doctor handing cell phone to patient: 'Here, take this and call me in the morning.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"Supersize me."

M.D. Mister Jones is back with his sore throat --- He Googled instead of gargled.

"Frankly, some of your business practices are pre-historic."

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

"But apart from pay, conditions, stress, increased bureaucracy, recruitment problems, patient expectations, and violence...'

'Of course his appetite's improved...it's the medical marijuana.'

The Harvest