Modern Marvels Fan Gifts

"No, son, we're not under attack by aliens. Those are drones. It appears everyone owns one these days."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

'Will you be wanting this?'

Life and Death

New Marvel Heroes

"I never actually said I was spiderman...I just said that no one has ever seen us in the same room together."

"We have a cow AND a pig heart valve. Then, we gave him chicken lips, and a farmhand. I recommend you register him with the USDA."

"One thing I can tell you - it's not covid."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

Things move fast round here! Including the new processor!

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

Take your daughter to work day: 'Can you say 'intestines'?'

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

'Would it kill you to go for a computer upgrade?'

"No internet connection"

'I think I have a rash, but being a leopard it's difficult to tell where.'

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

'This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted to be Iron Man!

'A giant killer macrophage! Doctor, this is madness!'

'It's a Richard Rogers design.'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"Why clone sheep! They ought to clone more doctors!"

Over the last year I've come to have a new opinion about what real strength is.

Selfie with grandma...

"Susanna Explaining Broadband to the Elders."

'And this wearable smartwatch sends a text to my wearable smartglasses to let me know when I'm not wearing any pants.'

'Hi, name and birthday, please!'

Less is less

Man staring art in the face.

'I strongly recommend a surgeon who can putt over one who hits the long drive.'

I'm glad "Fantastic Four" flopped. It was made by 20th Century Fox. Not Marvel Studios. The "X-Men," "Spider-Man" and "Fantastic Four" movies we've seen for the last 16 years aren't actually real. If a Marvel hero does not exist in the same universe as "The Avengers," then he's just an imposter and I don't care whether he saves his fake world or not. "The Church of Marvel," founded A.D. 2015. You're a false god, Hugh Jackman!

Life Support and Death