Modern Marvels Lover Gifts

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"Which one's yours?"

7 More Dwarfs

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Spider boy

The Shoemaker's Appendectomy

Friday night was always sext night.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Things move fast round here! Including the new processor!

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

Modern Charm

"You wait twelve month's, and then five come along all at once!"

"I suppose every girl dreams of someday getting a big divorce settlement."

Thank You to Vaccinators

'Would it kill you to go for a computer upgrade?'

'Wi-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!'

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

"Ah, sweatpants."

Updated Fables. The Ant And The Grasshopper … And The Mosquito. IRS.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Ultrasound. . . AKA: Womb Zoom

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"Oddly enough it looks like you made 98.6 million last year from the talking medical thermometer you invented."

Someone ate your porridge and broke a chair? Check the feed from the bedroom cam.

'And someone's been hacking into my online banking!'

Veterinarian at a large animal clinic staring up at a huge beast.