Modern Lifestyle Explorer Pillows

'Why aren't I in school? I have an app that does that for me.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Road trips are getting lonelier & lonelier.'

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'It's an electronic pipe and heated slippers...he's a thoroughly modern old fart.'

'He glued himself to the floor again.'

'Excuse me - can you be quiet? I'm trying to make a phone call!'

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"It's wonderful how there are so many more devices to fall asleep in front of these days."

"The Rutherford's aren't joining us this winter. They're staying home and blowing their minds on medical marijuana."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

i-teddy

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Fur Baby

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."