Modern Lifestyle Observer Pillows

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Wait a minute- this podcast is coming from inside the house!"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

Another episode of 'Yhe Young and the Listless.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You are still here."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"He was much more effective in the field."

Goodnight Social Media.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Maternity Hospital

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Mice 25¢

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Your sister got another promotion."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Old Yarns