Modern Guardian Gifts

"I don't know what's more unnerving... God watching us 24-7, or our parents watching us on Google Earth!"

Hate Platforms

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

North Pole

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"The disasters are collaborating better than we are!"

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."