Modern Guardian Pillows

Hate Platforms

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

North Pole

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"The disasters are collaborating better than we are!"

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

A globe detaches itself from its stand and falls into a rubbish bin in the offices of the (fictional) Institute of Environmental Forecasting

"I think earth's antivirus software expired."

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."