Muse Guardian Gifts

Art Theft

You're my Mona Lisa.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Deaths from Coronavirus

How can I enjoy that clean, fresh, salt air when I'm up to my neck in garbage?

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

"Well, you know what they say —'The water's always bluer on the other side of the trash fence.'"

'Poor thing. He got left out in the acid rain.'

"...My daughter, the model..."

'I've been tagged by a whaling commission, some environment people, a naval research team, a fishing group,some zoologists...'

Spilled Milk

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

OH NO - Here come the wet-wipes..!!!

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

Some people save stamps or coins. I save whales.

Fish Food

Salvador Dali museum

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

"Terry had to put his mom in an aquarium."

Whale fluke throws plastic waste back onshore.

Museum Guard Portrait

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

"Guard coming."

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Have they no shame?"

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

"Excuse me where are the dinosaurs."

Greece Burns

I want my life back!