Museum Guard Gifts

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

Museum Guard Portrait

Guard tells a little boy looking at a dinosaur skeleton: 'It was delicious.'

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Bob's daily nap became one of the most popular museum exhibits."

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."

Salvador Dali museum

"Now the tricky part: getting the original out of the frame and getting mine into it."

"It was the only outlet."

Please do not torch

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

Sleeping Guards

Museum of Natural History.

"It is exactly hundred million and four years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days old. I know that because it was a hundred million years old when I started work here..."

Naughty Dog in the Museum.

"Just how long was your coffee break, Finley?"

"Excuse me where are the dinosaurs."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."