Museum Security Gifts

Art Thief

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

The Rise of Modern Art

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

"Then what happened?"

Raphael

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

Rodin's Cloakroom Thief

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.