Museum Guard Mugs

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

Museum Guard Portrait

Guard tells a little boy looking at a dinosaur skeleton: 'It was delicious.'

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Bob's daily nap became one of the most popular museum exhibits."

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."

Salvador Dali museum

"Now the tricky part: getting the original out of the frame and getting mine into it."

"It was the only outlet."

Please do not torch

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

Sleeping Guards

Museum of Natural History.

"It is exactly hundred million and four years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days old. I know that because it was a hundred million years old when I started work here..."

Naughty Dog in the Museum.

"Just how long was your coffee break, Finley?"

"Excuse me where are the dinosaurs."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

The Rise of Modern Art

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.