Modern Alchemists T-Shirts

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

Interdisciplinary studies.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"Well, we got the grant."

"The pH level seems a little off."

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"Maybe we should have tried it on the rats first."

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'If this elixir works, I see an over-the-counter version in three years.'

Make your own bottled water.

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"Garbage in, great books out."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'Dang.'

Pasteur and those who came before him and failed.

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."