Modern Alchemy Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'I can turn base metal into gold, or if you prefer, a portfolio of securities, bonds and equity investments.'

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

Woman throwing giant pot.

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

Artisanal Pottery

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

'It's both physical and chemical. She works in a lab.'

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

"The disciples are gonna be totally freaked."

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

The Dangers of Unlicensed Science Teachers.

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

'Glad you're still around. I thought you'd be an app by now.'

'...based on the premise that 6X3=47...'

Forty years man and wife and the chemistry was still there.

"You will be going on a long walk."

"Let these catalysts catalyze! Allow this experiment to be expedited. Help these chemicals to coalesce."

"Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead."

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.

'Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog? Oh, stuff it - chuck a stock cube in.'

Witch with sat nav

"Mom, brooms are so nineties! Nowadays you have a robot vacuum cleaner!"

Witch updates travel broom.

"I know this is all nonsense , but that's the paradigm I'm stuck with."

"Forty years man and wife and the chemistry was still there"

'Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead.'

"Is it gold yet?"

"Science fraud? What do I do that isn't science fraud?"