Modern Alchemist T-Shirts

'Better than changing lead into gold, I've transmitted dihydreic alcohol and terephalic acid into polyester.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

'I think that's enough brain defragging for today.'

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

'Think outside the seed.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Coffee

"Garbage in, great books out."

Alcohol Ingredients

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'It's my latest invention -- I call it the 'Emergency Broadcast Warning System.''

Think Tank: Not responsible for lost or stolen intellectual property.

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."