Amateur Alchemist T-Shirts

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

'Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog? Oh, stuff it - chuck a stock cube in.'

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

Reinventing the Wheel

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

'This 'Palestine' place you're giving to us - Will we have the mineral rights?'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"When I was your age the Big Dipper was over THERE."

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'If this elixir works, I see an over-the-counter version in three years.'

The inscription says: 'Whiter teeth; fresher breath.'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"Whoa, I guess dad and mom didn’t send Scraps off to live on a farm after all."

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

Alcohol Ingredients

An association for the advancement of science on an excursion.

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'