Amusement Alchemist T-Shirts

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

2 Ohm and 4 Ohm Amps,

"I feel we're making progress."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

Alcohol Ingredients

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."

"One can only hope this is the raw stuff of art."