Amusement Alchemist Gifts

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

2 Ohm and 4 Ohm Amps,

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"I feel we're making progress."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

Alcohol Ingredients

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

"One can only hope this is the raw stuff of art."

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

Everything he touches turns to bronze. King Midas' third cousin.

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."