Moby Dick Aficionado Gifts

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

The White Whale Mounted On The Wall

'The tender is your severance package, Queequeg. Bon voyage!'

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

'Choose, Fenster

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Soldiers' Ego

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

"He's chasing the White Whale, as usual."

"You had me at hell."

Alpha males through the ages!

'Dang! My applications as a mailman, a football player and a dancing teacher got rejected. I guess I've got to go on hunting that stupid white whale...'

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."

Herman Melville

"Perhaps you are looking for a different Wailing Wall?"

"Aye, lad, so how's the white whale?"

"They always forget the hyphen. . ."

Philip Kindred Dick

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

Moby the Private Dick.

Moby Dick with peg leg.

Man with many tattoos.

"Mom!!"

"He loves me!"

'I just invented walking upright, and already I got a charlie horse!'

Surfin' Ahab.

"One last question, Berlinger. Is it just you, or is the whole damn Accounting Department shot full of steroids?"

'It's Mooby Dick'

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

"Not everyone gets a coffee store chain named after him, eh, 'Ishmael'?"

Grim Reaper Hitchhiking

The updated 'Moby Dick'...