Mobile Warriors Gifts

Warning! No Cell Phone Service Next 20 Miles.

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

The End of the Worker Bees

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

Call Center.

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

Cars driving down barcode road.

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Mother, please!"

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

Excess Baggage: The airlines will hold your connecting flight just long enough so you can watch it leave without you.

'Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?'

Driver's Ed instructor: 'I would think about passing you, Albert, if you hadn't driven in reverse down the One Way the wrong way 60 miles an hour over an open manhole ...'kay?'

Toy soldiers - War on drugs, War on binge drinking, Combat obesity, etc.

'I'm taking the kid for a walk, he's overweight!'

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

"In 1,000 feet, you're still lost."

I suffered a freak accident several years ago where I lost all of my fingers except my middle one, so I'm not really giving you the finger, I'm just trying to thumb a ride.

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

Argh, now his screen is big! Isn't there a button that puts all my ducks in a row?

"O.K., one at a time, step forward and say, 'That's it, lady - you've blocked your last escalator.' "