Mobile Warriors Pillows

Warning! No Cell Phone Service Next 20 Miles.

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

The End of the Worker Bees

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

Call Center.

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

Cars driving down barcode road.

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Mother, please!"

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

Excess Baggage: The airlines will hold your connecting flight just long enough so you can watch it leave without you.

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?'

Driver's Ed instructor: 'I would think about passing you, Albert, if you hadn't driven in reverse down the One Way the wrong way 60 miles an hour over an open manhole ...'kay?'

Toy soldiers - War on drugs, War on binge drinking, Combat obesity, etc.

'I'm taking the kid for a walk, he's overweight!'

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

"Remember the good old days, Pete? Y'know, back when irate drivers had the common decency to just scream obscenities and make outrageous hand gestures? Call me old fashioned, but I miss that."

I suffered a freak accident several years ago where I lost all of my fingers except my middle one, so I'm not really giving you the finger, I'm just trying to thumb a ride.

"In 1,000 feet, you're still lost."

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

"O.K., one at a time, step forward and say, 'That's it, lady - you've blocked your last escalator.' "