Mischievous Mourner Gifts

No Dancing

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

The Phantom Of The Garden

You Know You're Old When...

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Pants Uglifier!

The dark secret about where the Easter Bunny gets the candy...

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

Children playing in a library

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

'We were mud wrestling.'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

'Cut it out!'

'Good morning, Vicar - are you decent?'

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"It's OK, Trump will pardon me."

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

"When I run away, put my picture on t-shirts instead of milk cartons."

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

"Getting the hang of it?"

"If you want soil moved around, I say why wait for erosion."

"What have you done with her this time?"

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."

'Luck I forgot my deodorant this morning.'

'Geesh! Didn't your mom ever tell you to put on clean underwear in case you get in an accident?!'

'Believe me -- you don't want to know what I did on my summer vacation.'

"I had a very trying day. I tried annoying my teacher, I tried annoying the principal..."

Naughty Food

'How come Zorro's mother let him draw on walls.'