Mindless Entertainment Fan Gifts

"The following programme is guaranteed to be pure fluff, with no social messages whatsoever."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

Cut!

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Big screen TV.

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

'My daughter says I'm hopelessly outdated...'

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Miami Mice

Starvation Watching

Jim Carrey,

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

As Seen Watching TV

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Larry King

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

Dr. Strangelove, D.D.S.