Mindless Entertainment Enthusiast Gifts

"There you are, dear. . . that's you all set to watch satuday night television now!"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Reese Witherspoon

Big screen TV.

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

Starvation Watching

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Jim Carrey,

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

'I hope this DVD has some worthwhile in-front-of-the-scenes content.'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Piers Morgan.

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."