Milestone Ponderer Gifts

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Pachyderm insomnia.

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"It's not that I'm lazy. But I envisage myself not so much climbing the corporate ladder, as taking the corporate elevator."

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

Horatio T. Osborn, born 1787, died 1852, greatness thrust upon him 1825.

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

'Hello, my name is Death'

Clement Attlee

'My grandson has been walking from an early age. . . Oh yes, in fact, by the time he was two he'd been walking three years.'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

'Every time you eat lotus, an hour later you forget.'

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

Go Now, Pay Later/Pay Now, Go Later!

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Have they no shame?"