Midlife Partygoer Gifts

"The club scene is really changing."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

ZZZZZZZ Top

The devil you know and his plus one

Peel poker.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

Space hopper as a bouncer of a nightclub

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

Tragedy and Remedy.

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"He goes to a real party preschool."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

'She's not 'pushing 40' - she's 'dragging' it!'

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"Honestly, won't you miss us?"

"Do you think they can tell we're from the future?"

'Hi. I'm Major Fixer-Upper.'

"I haven't read it yet, but I've downloaded it from the Internet."

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

In the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

This party better be good. I even had to wash my face!

'...46 and still have Principles...'