Midlife-funster Gifts

"How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Male Pattern Baldness

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

How Gary got his groove back.

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"This next one's for you, babe."

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

Whale Pattern Balding

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Person playing the cymbals.

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

Same Sexless Marriage

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

birthday meets reality