Midfielder Gifts

Steven Gerrard.

Arturo Vidal

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

A Hole in the Dike

Punt Cake

If nobody had invented graphics

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Boy makes snowman around a lamp post.

Football

Alternative fielding positions

Bears

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Saving a Heart

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Ball as water-melon.

"First snowman?"

I was thinking about the implications of your brave effort last week to unionize. I didn't really. I was role-playing. Whatever. Do you realize the demise of unions has coincided with a massive decline in the middle class? What? I'm helping chickens cross a road on my iPhone. I'm taking about the income gap! Talkin' 'Bout the Income Gap is sponsored by: The makers of signs, placards, and other protest equipment.

Kenny Dalglish

"Uptight End"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

Centaur Forward

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

The Goalkeeper

Football Crazy strip six