Midfielder T-Shirts

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

A Hole in the Dike

Punt Cake

If nobody had invented graphics

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Alternative fielding positions

Bears

Boy makes snowman around a lamp post.

Saving a Heart

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Ball as water-melon.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"First snowman?"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"Uptight End"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

Centaur Forward

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

The Goalkeeper

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'