Outfielder Gifts

Oscar Gamble

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Fly Football

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Saving a Heart

Alternative fielding positions

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Perils of the double play.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

The Other Cooperstown

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

Currently Boston

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."