Outfielder Pillows

Oscar Gamble

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

Alternative fielding positions

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Saving a Heart

Perils of the double play.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

The Other Cooperstown

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

Kenny Dalglish

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."